You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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