he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
