does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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