I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Randomize
