Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
