I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
this hospital has no fireball
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
