Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
