I just threw up on my dentist
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
