saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
