Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
