Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
