I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
