That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
