i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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