things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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