No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
