Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
