he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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