The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize