Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
