I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
