Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
