He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
