Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
