He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
