I think i peed on brittanys purse
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
third nipple confirmed
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
