Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He did a backflip because drugs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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