# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
