WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize