I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
