Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
