the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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