I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
