I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
