I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
