Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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