I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
