well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize