I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
