i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
