He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
