I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
