It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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