I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
