i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i came on her dog
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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