I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
