is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
