I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
