Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
