if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
