Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
