Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
