It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
