Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
There are leaves in my underwear?
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