Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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