Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
