Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
