Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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