she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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