dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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