last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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