at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
