So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
