I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
