i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
