I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
