And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
