that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
